Zero Gravity Day: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity on January 4th 2014

It has been revealed by the British astronomer Patrick Moore that, on the morning of January 4th 2014,  an extraordinary astronomical event will occur. At exactly 9:47 am, the planet Pluto will pass directly behind Jupiter, in relation to the Earth. This rare alignment will mean that the combined gravitational force of the two planets would exert a stronger tidal pull, temporarily counteracting the Earths own gravity and making people weigh less. Moore calls this the Jovian-Plutonium Gravitational Effect.

        Moore told scientists that they could experience the phenomenon by jumping in the air at the precise moment the alignment occurred. If they do so, he promised, they would experience a strange floating sensation.

        Astronomers have long been aware that there would be an alignment of the planets on that date, when Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto would be on the same side of the Sun, within an arc 95 degrees wide. But now the effect could be expected as the gravitational effect of the other planets on the Earths crust is maximum even at their closest approach.

          If you think you will be able to float around your house then you will be mistaken. BUT if you jump in the air at 9:47AM local time on January 4th 2014, it should take you about 3 seconds to land back on your feet instead of the usual 0.2 seconds.  January 4th 2014 will be a popular day for crazy stunts going on youtube. Do you have any ideas for stunts?

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Nepalese Election Status Updates, One Liners, Jokes and More!

Election Day Quotes & Status Updates:

• Politicians are like diapers.They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
• I wish politicians cared half as much about doing their job as they do about getting elected.
• I just made Romney noodles Obama self.
• Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.
• Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
• The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
• The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
• Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
• The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
• America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
• Vote Democrat – it’s easier than working! |  Vote Republican – it’s easier than thinking!
• One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
• Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
• Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
• To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.
• If Obama wins, I will leave the country. If Romney wins, I will leave the country. This is not a political joke, I just want to travel.

Best Romney Status: I’m predicting Obama will take an early lead tomorrow… Until all the Republicans get off work.

Best Obama Status:  Q: Why can’t Mitt Romney screw in a light bulb? A: Because he can’t decide which way to turn.

Regular-Old Funny Statuses:

• Imagine being 100% naked and hearing a bunch of loud noises you don’t understand, that’s what it’s like to be an animal.
• If you have my phone number but insist on posting some personal tidbit on my FB wall, I’ll beat the crap out of you.
• Never sure if it’s a roof rack or a cop car.  
• Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
• Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
• I advise you, don’t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
• It’s impossible for a woman to say ‘I’m not overreacting’ without screaming.  
• Spoiler Alert: You drive a Honda Civic, not an epic Dragon. You don’t need a giant wing on the back. Knock that crap off.